A woman from the adventurous church
Who uses a candle instead of a torch,
Who comes and goes for a mystical search
Says, “One day the Holiness will emerge,
We will show you the way.
Come to pray with us this Sunday,
Then we will see you everyday
To talk about the endless holiday.
Without holy paint you will hold dirt and dust,
We will paint over your rust.
As you know this world is not going to last
But with us you will be peaceful at last.
While the opportunity is there get into the rush
Otherwise you will get an unholy smash.
If you become a goody, moody Christian
Even without a wife, your life will smoothly run.
You will have free tea, coffee from the church fund.
In the dark of night even Dracula cannot have you for fun.
Jesus saves your life like the shining sun.
Instead of waiting in front of bingo’s gate
Come and join us and sleep under church’s shade.
You are only fifty you are not too late.
Living alone is a sin; we will get you a mate
Much cheaper than Wandsworth council’s rate.
In this country, we have the lowest divorce rate.
After the wedding date, you may shake yourself up
From our church, no one makes you interrupt
Let's start now, don’t leave it too late.
You need an active wife, not part-time sleeping mate.
For you holy-opportunity is here or up there.
You should be under the control of our mental, mystical care.
You look to me like a God made-man dear,
Everyone must have God’s love or fear.
Don’t forget what Jesus said:
“If you have the sky watching mate
Follow him up to the church’s gate.”
I will put you in touch with a soothsayer
Who can turn a dustman or lost man into a mayor.
Who does organise the mystical fun fair?
If you listen to your unbeliever, drunken mate
You may end up begging in front of the Bingo, tango-gate.
Remember everything I said, for your faith
Before you marry, you must listen to our story.
We will kill your worry, and then you will be merry,
An appointment is not always necessary
But come early, never be late,
After last night, gosh date, the church will ventilate
You will be the candidate for an unknowing date.
Don’t watch a soapy, mopy or dirty flirty film
Which will push you over hell’s rim.
You need a prayerful education for the divine dream.
Our antique chairs are covered with silk
If you don’t like the powdered milk
We will serve you coffee with real cream.
All these free extras are in all tramps’ dreams.
We are the only people to serve you just below the heaven’s brim.
Come alone? Join us, while you last,
We will put candle oil on your rust.
After the death only heaven to trust.
Wait for heavenly forecast then join the happy pilgrim.
To get rid of the devils we must scream
Until we catch up with ancient Egyptians athletic team
Who will show us the way to heavenly holiday."